Circles

unfamiliar path taken
into the trees
pushing tripping stumbling
searching
for what has already been found
backtracking into the unfamiliar
time goes by slowly
finally familiarity
but there is no comfort
ominous familiarity illuminates the obvious
running in circles


Running in circles. For months this phrase has been in my head. Every time I go to put up a facebook status or try to think of something to describe myself it comes to mind. I ignored it as a stupid, random thought at first but as it reoccurs I can only come to the conclusion that God is planting it in my mind. Now as I consider its application to my life I know why God is pushing it on me, forcing me to meditate on its meaning, He knows that the circles I have been running in for the past few months are so big that I don't recognize the obstacles that have tripped me hundreds of times. They change just enough that I feel like I'm making progress and new things are causing me to stumble but its the same old logs and fallen branches. They have new moss, the wind has rearranged them, they seem different but that doesn't change the truth that is now so obvious. I have been in this dirt before, I've bled here before, cried here, tried to fix myself here only to resume running in the same circle.

It's not like this circle is all obstacles. It has high points, mountain top experiences where I feel like I'm not lost anymore. From the tops of mountains you can see the road, the escape, the way home. It's so clear, just head that way. It's inspiring and in my haste to get to the place I know I want to be, I run back down the mountain, only to end up running the same long circular track.

But this can only go on as long as I don't realize what's happening. Now what, what can I do? Nothing, alone without a map or compass there is no definite way out of the trees. Luckily, I do have a map and compass and I am certainly not alone. I have Jesus Christ walking with me and God's word as a map. I have had them all along but have tried to find my way out on my own. The especially amazing part is that Christ is not just a comfort and a person to walk alongside me. He has been in these trees before, he has seen every obstacle and, unlike me, carefully navigated past each one without tripping. He knows well the trees we walk through because he has been through them already and he remembers the way out.

Now I just need to follow him. I need to stay close behind him so that I won't trip so frequently. I have to stop thinking that I see the way out and walking away from the savior trying to help me because that's when I start going in circles again.

Thanks to the people who helped me see the circle I was walking. Thanks for not giving up on me. Thanks for going to the father on my behalf and asking him to help me find my way. Family, friends, brothers, sisters, I love you all. And I'm through walking in circles. I hope I can help you if you are walking in a similar circle. Don't hesitate to ask. And remember God is loving and forgiving, always willing to guide us out of the trees.


The Lord is compassionate and gracious,
slow to anger, abounding in love.
He will not always accuse,
nor will he harbor his anger forever;
he does not treat us as our sins deserve
or repay us according to our iniquities.
For as high as the heavens are above the earth,
so great is his love for those who fear him;
as far as the east is from the west,
so far has he removed our transgressions from us.
Psalm 103:8-12